Talking to children or holding a discussion with a child is not an easy task.. to me if i may say.. I prefer to look at my child’s face.. see through her eyes to figure out how serious, concerned, worried she is.. how much would she like to know, how much of the truth she’d like to hear ..
On Noor’s 7th birthday, she discussed adoption and her origins with her friends. I drove the girls in my car, one minute the girls were singing.. and Noor expressed her preference of english songs; so her friend asked her why? you’re not american.
Noor: but i am adopted as you know
Friend 1: yes I know, but not adopted from america
Friend 2: where did you come from?
Noor: I don’t know, no one knows where my birth parents came from
Friend 1: you’re lying, you’re not adopted
Noor: yes I am – right mama?
I kept quiet (was shocked), Noor: mama is quiet because I am correct.
Friend 1: ahaaa.. that’s why you don’t look like your parents
Friend 2: maybe you came from america
Friend 1: no, maybe chinese
Noor- a bit angry – NOT Chinese.. I only look choses when I smile
only then I thought to myself; I wonder what’s next.. it didn’t take long to find out.. ever since the topic keeps coming back..
Where am I originally from? Where did my parent come from? so we talk about looks, cultures, people. We google countries and look at people faces from that country and see how much of these or the others she resembles.
Sometimes when she only wants to chat.. she wishes she was american and in hollywood singing with the stars.. other times when she’s serious we search the books and internet for more information.
We talked about DNA and how it might help, and talked about picking a country and learning about its people and see where she’s comfortable most because one book suggested that you belong to the country where you feel comfortable most; comfortable with their habits, culture.. etc.
One day she came back telling me that someone thought she might be half Thai.. and we searched Thailand.. I believe we will have to visit all our options when she’s older. Every time she opens the topic we think of new ways to find out..
never give up, I told her she can search more as she grows.. meanwhile reading is the most we can do.
Another day we created several scenarios on “what do you think happened to my parents that made them leave me?
I know its painful, and am currently happy that she does not see the whole truth behind it all.. and feel sorry for her .. her search will have to go on forever and I would love to see my baby content and happy. But as I mentioned above, her face and eyes .. her words guide our discussion.. I answer her questions with more questions.. I throw in a guiding word here and there and wait for her feedback on how much she picked up from my hints..
She’s only 7, I am hoping she’ll be able to develop some sort of peace within herself as time goes by.