How I told Noor about adoption

Noor was 36 days old when she brightened up my life.. she has always been an exceptional child.. we connected right away.. and for her first 2 years she only saw me – or that’s how I felt.. at 6 months we started reading stories.. she loved books.. and when she turned 2 years 6 months, I decided to talk to her about being adopted…

I chose to talk through a story, just like a friend told me once, and I read the same in adoption books .. I remember my stomach hurting of nervousness.. every time I looked at her beautiful happy face.. I get scared.. I was worried I’d upset her.. she’s been a happy child.. and I wanted her to have a happy , worry free life… so I kept postponing the talk.. I knew that she must be told..and kept telling myself that life has no guarantees.. life is never fair.. I cannot protect her forever..I want her to grow confident and strong.. I would love to see her – face life proud and strong..

During that time we were reading David Kirk’s “Little Miss Spider”  and after a lot of thinking I told her that little miss spider is just like noor.. and Betty Beatle is mama.. And typical of noor.. she ignored the comment and went on..I kept repeating the comment every time we read that story.. and she kept quiet.. until one day she saw a pregnant lady.. and I explained to her that this lady has a baby in her tummy.. and it clicked! Then, I understood that to be able to pass an info to a child you have to find what clicks most with that child…a thing he/she could relate to.

Thats when I told her the whole story.. I made sure I told her the truth.. according to the books I read; establishing an honest base and building trust would help in teenage years…

Following was what I said.. and now that she’s 6 we still repeat the story with more details added from the questions she asks.

The story: I wanted a baby badly, but could not grow a baby in my tummy, so I prayed to GOD daily to give me one. I was very sad then.  And you were in your birth mother’s tummy, she was very happy when the doctor told her about you.. but when it was time for you to come out, your mommy went to the doctor, she was sad and crying and when the doctor asked her why? she said that she loved her baby very much but she cannot afford taking care of the baby..  she is working long hours.. who will take care of her baby.. she was scared and worried about  her baby. So the doctor asked her to take care of her self, and he will help her find a family to take good care of her baby and love her. And this family will have enough money to buy toys and books for your baby (and this list grew and changed as Noor grew)

Meanwhile I kept praying and asking GOD for a baby..and then one day Aunti Hanadi sent me a picture of a beautiful baby admitted to the hospital, and said she was soooo cute and quiet and everyone loved her.. thats when I went and a applied to adopt a baby, and asked specifically for you. I had to wait for 2 weeks to get the approval.. they were the longest 2 weeks in my life.. I was so excited and happy that GOD answered my prayers.

When I got the approval, I had to prepare the house for your arrival, and every one helped.. I showed her pictures of her crib, first PJ’s, diapers, baby milk that were gifts from family and friends who were as excited as we were.

I went to pick you up with baba.. and noticed that your little head was hot and cheeks red. And thats when I showed her  pictures of her small, red cheeks, in the hospital, … and a lot more.

Updates as she grew:

– Your mommy loved you a lot and was worried about leaving you alone, so she thought a mosque would be a perfect place.. a lot of people go there 5 times a day, so they would definitely see you.

– We talked about toys and how much it costs to take care of babies

– School was added as an extra expence.

– When I picked her up, she had meningitis and we stayed 10 days in the hospital

– Everyone celebrated her arrival, and we had a list of gifts with pictures for her from friends and family.

every details was documented with pictures, she has a beautiful baby book.

Cover of "Little Miss Spider"

Cover of Little Miss Spider

One thought on “How I told Noor about adoption

  1. We don’t know what happened with Noor’s mother.

    That’s the only honest truth you can tell Noor. You really have no idea, any speculation is just that and is not fair to Noor’s mother or to her.

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