I read that it is useful to document questions and discussion that take place between my kids and myself.. and that’s what I am trying to do.
I will start with the story that shocked me most …
ًًWhen Noor turned 6, she stopped bringing adoption stories to be read .. when I asked her why? Here’s how our conversation went on:
me: Noor, why don’t you bring adoption stories to be read anymore?
Noor: because it hurts mama.
me (worried): what hurts? which part?
Noor: when I think of my birth mother, I think she is somewhere enjoying her life with another baby. she cannot stay poor forever!
me (shocked and confused): why do you think so? did you expect her to come look for you?
me: did you want to see her, look/search for her?
noor: no, you’re my mother and this is my house.
me: what is it then baby? do you think she forgot you?
noor: I am sure she did
me (tearful): I have not given birth to a baby before, but I assure you no mom will ever forget her baby, and you can ask grand-mother.
noor: ok I will ask her, and please do not bring the subject up again, I do not want to talk about it.
me: will you promise me you’ll talk to me if and when anything else bothers you?
And she promised.
I was in tears afterwards, and called my mother crying.. told her the whole story. What hurt me most was the feeling that your mother is somewhere else not knowing anything about you…
This happened in June, and I have talked to a lot of specialists ever since, and everyone assured me that she’s right on track.. she’s only asking to move on with her life … and that I should not worry about her.
This same year, and 6 months later, Noor had reading assignment, and we were asked to choose a book from home. I asked her to read a book titled: Did My First Mother Love Me? A story for an Adopted Child Did My First Mother love me?
Not knowing how much a 6 years old knows about adoption and being adopted, and cannot imagine how much she comprehends, I wished there was some sort of a measuring tool and shows and tells you what goes into that little mind. I heard her read with a quivering voice, I felt sooo sorry and bad for her.. I wished there was something I could do to take all that pain and worry off her little mind… by the time she finished reading she had tears in her sweet little eyes, and said: mama, this story made me cry.
me: it made me cry too. which part made you cry?
noor: the part when the mother says she ;loved her baby but had to leave her.
me: did you like the story?
me: did it answer some of the questions you had in mind?
me: do you feel better about your birth mother now?
noor: yes, a little.
no matter how painful that was… it was unexplainable, I am happy we had this conversation, I am greatful for noor .. and still ache for her.. I always wonder “what next” and will always pray for GOD to help her settle and be happy in her life.